Good for health

That's one of the most common phrases Chinese people say in English. It's right up there with "lucky" and "very famous." To be fair: I can't make it through a single day in China without saying hao chi (delicious) and I say xie xie (thank you) like it's my job. I assume that "good for health" is roughly equivalent to your mom saying "eat that, it's good for you" because I've definitely been told that some very foul-tasting vegetables are very good for health. There's also times when it's really hard to argue, like when they say "fish skin... well, it's good for YOUR skin."

And then there's today. I had a crushing stomachache all morning and taught the majority of my classes while sitting down. I would have gone home sick if it wasn't the last day of the term - which I'm already finishing late from a previous sick day. For lunch I ordered the blandest tofu dish I could think of. The office staff asked me why I wasn't eating something spicy as usual, so I told them of my stomach troubles. They offered me some medicine. I'm pretty much a Western-medicine kindof gal, but beggars can't be choosers.

They handed me a bottle of pills so I could sniff it, because it smelled pretty strong. The pungent mix of fish and mint did not dissuade me, and they shook four into my hand and told me to swallow with water. Then they said "eat again in four hours... oh, look, English directions!" and handed me the bottle.

This is when I noticed the ingredients list was also in English. First ingredient: belladonna. You know, deadly nightshade. I guess at the very least my pupils will look big and beautiful. Second ingredient: creosote. I got this confused with creatine and was briefly really excited about bulking up and hitting more home runs next season. Unfortunately, creosote is either a wood preservative made from coal tar, or a Japanese herbal diarrhea remedy. I'm really hoping I got the latter.

This is why they cautioned all the Olympic athletes about taking Chinese medicine if they got sick. After four hours, instead of taking a second dose, I ran out of my next-to-last class and threw up in a bush. At least I made it one bush down, so instead of vomiting directly in front of my school, I did it in front of the music school next door.