Taxicab confessions

So obviously I don't speak much Chinese. (Note: I am allowed to call it Chinese instead of Mandarin, because that's what some of my Chinese friends call the main dialect. And if you refer to it as Mandarin, most people look utterly puzzled until you explain it's "Putonghua" which I think means "common speech.") Westerners are advised, when taking taxis, to bring business cards with the Chinese address written down, or to call up a Chinese friend to give directions. I've only called a Chinese friend twice, and once was the other night en route to a karaoke bar near my apartment. Since it was so close, I just stepped in the taxi and handed the driver the phone. My clear lack of Chinese skills didn't faze the driver in the slightest, and he spent the rest of the ride trying to engage me in conversation.

I was able to hold my own, surprisingly, and whenever I didn't know what he was saying I just responded with a non sequitur about myself. It started off well with "Where are you from?" but when he asked a question I couldn't answer, I jumped right into "I am a teacher!" After a few follow-up questions I struggled to answer, I told him "I am not able to speak Chinese" but he was not convinced. When he asked me a question involving "where?" I told him what region of the city I teach in. He also asked me whether I had a boyfriend (a word I had learned in class the previous day) and some question that used the word "two," so I told him I only wanted one boyfriend. For every other question I didn't know, I alternated between telling him I like China and I like Zhuhai. Damn, I'm like practically fluent.

If you're wondering, this karaoke place did not have "Hotel California" (shocking!) but they did have Arrested Development scandalous favorite "Afternoon Delight."